|—||A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving (via urlchangeforever)|
cat doesn’t want to get out of nice warm bath [x]
[TW: domestic violence]
The other question everybody asks is, why doesn’t she just leave? Why didn’t I walk out? I could have left any time. To me, this is the saddest and most painful question that people ask, because we victims know something you usually don’t: It’s incredibly dangerous to leave an abuser. Because the final step in the domestic violence pattern is kill her. Over 70 percent of domestic violence murders happen after the victim has ended the relationship, after she’s gotten out, because then the abuser has nothing left to lose. Other outcomes include long-term stalking, even after the abuser remarries; denial of financial resources; and manipulation of the family court system to terrify the victim and her children, who are regularly forced by family court judges to spend unsupervised time with the man who beat their mother. And still we ask, why doesn’t she just leave?
“Why domestic violence victims don’t leave” - Leslie Morgan Steiner (via childofweakness)
The question itself is part of a system of oppression. It’s not a real inquiry, it’s a reminder that abuse is a problem that the abused person should solve.
If it were a sincere inquiry, we’d hear, just as often, “If he was unhappy, why didn’t he leave instead of beating her?” But we don’t hear that.